Hub and I have conversation that border on insane. Randomly unnecessary conversations that include actual information that may or may not be good for either of us.
ME: Do you have ten seconds to talk to me?
HUB: I guess.
ME: I want your opinion on something. I have three phrases that I…
HUB: (interrupting) One thousand.
ME: No. Three phrases that….
HUB: (interrupting) Two thousand.
ME: Are you counting ten seconds?
ME: **sigh** I have three phrases that I am going to make my personal goal to never have included in a sentence that contains my name.
HUB: This should be good. Is one of them “and then a reasonable discussion broke out”?
ME: The first one is “human trafficking”.
HUB: That makes sense.
ME: And “incarcerated for”.
HUB: This is just for going forward right?
ME: I’ve never been incarcerated, asshole!!!!
HUB: Keep going.
ME: And “seen fleeing the scene”.
HUB: That last one especially, please.
ME: My fourth place finisher is “where a body was found”.
HUB: Here are the phrases I WANT in a sentence with my name. “Remained standing after the huge conflargration”.
HUB: “After destroying the last alien ship”.
HUB: “The last male survivor in a shipwreck of swimsuit models”.
ME: I’m finished with you.
HUB: I spent $13 on a new battery for my phone.
ME: Why is that something you WANT your name associated with?
HUB: I’m telling you something I did today.
ME: Go outside and look for UFO’s wouldja.