Archive for the ‘Wee Small’ Category

This is me at work today.

This is me at work today.

 

WELL last night I could NOT fall asleep….. At midnight I was mad and then I realized that Hub was either dead or had hit a magic spot on his tower of pillow because he was still and utterly silent. So of course I then laid there trying to detect if he was breathing and I was concerned that if he was actually non-snore sleeping and I woke him he’d be mad and I didn’t want him to be mad but I also didn’t want him to be dead and I wondered how long I could lay awake next to a dead guy without the police really questioning my intentions and then I was trying to decide the best way to ascertain vital signs. A check of his pulse was out because it’d wake him up and then I thought maybe I should get out of bed and go to his side of the bed (because crossing the tower of pillow is akin to scaling Kilimanjaro and that would be a noisy and aerobic affair to which I wanted no part) and then I wondered if I could just violently flop around in the bed just enough to get him to react to me and I wound up going “YOU OKAY?!” really loud and he jumped awake and said, “YES WTF?” and then he was up until 4.

OK so…. We bought our couch and it is one of those in 3 sections that hook together w/ a curved part in the middle and there are recliners on both ends but we misjudged how frakking big it would be so we just use the 2 ends to make a regular sized couch…. And then we got LARRY who INSISTS on sitting on the couch which is FINE until everyone wants to sit on the couch to watch tv or what not so that fat ass brown dog will either wedge himself in between two people and then proceed to be an asshole and kick and shove you until you give up and go to another room in disgust OR he proceeds to be an asshole and Hub kicks him off the couch then he sulks and talks back and finds something to destroy.

 So I’ve been knitting SITTING ON THE FLOOR (the dog is basically running our household because we are spineless or something)….so I mentioned about 6 weeks ago that I think I wanted a big double papasan chair JUST FOR ME to sit in while we are all in the living room and I can knit with my yarn and needles and scissors and shit right next to me…… and then about one week AFTER I mention that this big box arrives….. And it’s to Hub and he doesn’t open it and I said “Hey what the heck is this”…….well…it was the cushion for a double papasan chair!!! And he said, “Sorry, the base is shipped separately but Pier 1 says it’s on the way.”  

Well….that was SIX WEEKS AGO…..they refunded Hub’s shipping finally and the base arrived today….. And my phone is at home because I’m retarded and left this morning half asleep without it so Hub says, “Kittie said your chair is really nice and comfy and check your gmail.”

 Here’s my chair.

 God damn it.

 

No Larry.

No Larry.

(PS We haven’t taken our Christmas tree down yet so ignore that)

Here is an actual photo of my husband:

Wade

That is just a snippet of the stereotypical warrior he is. Here’s an example:

Hub: I’m really disappointed we haven’t had a zombie apocalypse yet.

Me: I hate you.

Hub: I mean it.

Me: I do, too.

Hub: You don’t. And I really needed that to happen.

Me: Ok yeah. I’m sure you need that to happen.

Hub: It gives me an excuse to get rid of people for the good of the species.

Me: And what’s stopping you now?

Hub: They aren’t zombies.

Me: Jesus.

When he’s not praying for an plague that is the downfall of the human race for the sole purpose of using up ammunition he runs a software company. And I mean RUNS IT. Remember the scene in “The Devil Wears Prada” where she laments that it’s nearly impossible to put together a decent “run through”. My Hub is totally Miranda Priestly.

So he gets a group gift for his birthday at work and the card says:

We celebrate you today. The Sacker of Baghdad, the Overlord of Nicaragua, the Guardian from Mesquitetheon, the Apotheoses of Rangerdom from the hills of the Free Cities.

From Jim, Orion, Ryan, Wes, Goeff and Jonathan.

 

Yeah…………….. They are on to him.

Happy birthday, honey. I hope you get zombies.

OK husbands of the planet here’s a quiz for you.

You come home from work and your wife is frying chicken for dinner. Which is the correct response:

1.  Enter the kitchen.  Kiss wife on forehead. Remark, “Wow! Smells great!” Leave kitchen until summoned for dinner.

2.  Enter the kitchen.  Kiss wife on forehead. Remark, “Wow! Smells great! You’ve had a busy day. I’ll take it from here.” And allow wife to leave until summoned for (a COMPLETED) dinner.

3.  Enter the kitchen. Kiss wife on forehead. Remark, “Wow! Smells great!….<insert random instructions on how to improve upon the dinner or the cooking process or the status of the dishwasher or the status of laundry or why her car is slightly crooked in the driveway…>

4.  Don’t bother coming home. Ever.

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HINT:

Only one answer is WRONG.

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I’m excited to announce that my extremely talented sister-in-law, Michelle Miles, is releasing her new book today!

She’s having a giveaway on her blog. USA Today featured the book yesterday. And you can buy it on Amazon right here.

Congratulations, Michelle!

 

Disclaimer:  An elderly member of our family recently announced he took a “facey” with his phone………… to which I replied “EXCUSE ME?” and after a 15 minute description which I only needed approximately 30 seconds of I realized he meant “selfie”. So we’ve adopted “facey” into our family.

Next………. my Kittie behaves exactly like my husband. (Who is her father so….yeah)….. Sometimes that’s awesome. Most of the time it means I’m the odd man out. See below as we group text while the Kittie sits waiting to kite to Europe:

a

 

b

c

 

d

How does this keep happening to me?

Actual conversation:

“In the Army, sometimes you fly really, really high. They send them guys up there. They put’em in a ‘kidney suit’. It keeps all your innards from bustin’ out. They fly them in this plane. It’s called a Hurkeyjurkey or sumthin’. Hurkey plane. Something Boeing makes. A C-class. That’s it like a C-class Hurkeyjurkey.”

The ENTIRE time these words are falling out of his face it was like I could see them hanging in the air and I have a pencil and I’m editing for content… Such as:

“In the Army, sometimes you fly really, really high.  They send them those guys up there. They put’em in a ‘kidney suit’ no they don’t. no such thing. It keeps all your innards from bustin’ out.(false)  They fly them in this plane. It’s called a Hurkeyjurkey or sumthin’. Hurkey plane. Hercules Something Boeing Lockheed makes. A C-class. (no) That’s it like a C-class Hurkeyjurkey.C-130 Hercules. Close enough.

Not a "Hurkeyjerkey".

Not a “Hurkeyjerkey”.

I spend a lot of time just nodding at people because wow. I can’t.

I’m a good sport. To lose a one goal hockey game is simply one shot that found its way through and otherwise it’s a tie. So hats off to Canada. I’m still very hockeysad.

Proud of you Team USA Hockey! Good luck to you tomorrow.

For those of you not familiar with Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends the following is Bloo and Cheese. (If you haven’t seen them, look ’em up it’s worth it).  This photo accurately depicts the exact faces I’ve been making interchangeably since the game ended.

cheeese

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Guardians of Atlantis Box Set is NOW AVAILABLE

 

I’m super excited to announce the Guardians of Atlantis Box Set is now available for purchase! You can get it at Amazon, B&N, Smashwords, iBooks and CreateSpace (in print). Coming soon to Kobo and All Romance eBooks!

 

To celebrate the release, you can get the box set right now until February 21 for 0.99 cents at Smashwords! That’s over 80% off! Use coupon code DD39E. Not familiar with Smashwords? You can purchase ANY eReader format (including Kindle and Nook) for download.

 

Here’s the blurb:

 

Now get the entire Guardians of Atlantis series in one complete box set! A mad scientist wants to merge human DNA with Atlantean DNA. It’s up to the Guardians of Atlantis to stop him!

 

Book 1: Tempting Eden

Eden wants to forget her cheating boyfriend, empty bank account and dead-end job on the sandy beaches of the Bahamas. Sabre is on a mission to bring back human females from the surface but all that changes when he sees Eden. He intends to keep her for himself…no matter the price

 

Book 2: Seducing Eve

Kidnapped and brought to Atlantis, Eve is desperate to escape her lab prison. Lucian’s mission is to investigate the kidnapped woman. He never expects Eve to escape the lab, wreaking havoc. Rescuing her, they’re chased into the long-deserted tunnels, trying to outrun fate and stay alive.

 

Book 3: Ravishing Helene

Helene is nursing a broken heart and ignoring the rebellion her brother is leading. Only when she’s captured by the enemy does she realize the peril she’s in and her importance. Raven is the only man who can rescue her from the radical scientist—as well as mend her shattered heart. Will she become part of the rebellion or suffer at the hands of supreme evil?

 

You’d think that with all the fine work Tom Hanks has done I’d totally have a different movie as my “favorite Tom Hanks movie”.

But this movie is AWESOME. I love it. I could watch it every day. Or at least every other day.

If you haven’t seen it simply use the Tom Hanks Exemption as the excuse to watch it. The Burbs rocks.

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