Archive for the ‘Awesome’ Category

Happy New Year to my six return readers. ūüôā

I have made several serious decision but the biggest is to finish my degree. It only took a mere twenty-five years for me to listen to my mother and (once again) decide that she was 100% correct. I am not getting where I want to go in life. I’m more than I have become. So I am a college student again.

One of my classes is Ethics I. Interesting definition:

Rationalism: An ethical tradition that maintains that morality derives from the fundamental nonmoral value of reason.

Well, kiss my grits. That is directly from planet Vulcan! I shared that thought with Hub and he looked eat me as if he was hoping I had gleaned more from my first class. I didn’t wait for him to respond regarding rationalism and instead went headlong to:

Hedonism: An ethical tradition that maintains that there is just one fundamental good: pleasure (or happiness).

“Which of these are you currently practicing?” he asked.

He knows the answer to that question.

I will accept nothing less than being a¬†straight A student. It’s only logical.

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Let’s continue with the Year of Honesty (TYOH).

It is difficult to know a hero. When you realize that is what you are looking at and try to wrap your mind around being that selfless….that brave….that unintimidated you ¬†second guess yourself and what you have accomplished.

It is also difficult when you realize you are married to a hero. Not Thor. Not Tony Stark’s Iron Man. A real live in the flesh hero. I imagine Chris Kyle’s beautiful widow realized that, too. I’m lucky in the fact that mine is still in my bed. And I grieve for her. I hurt for her and others exactly like her. Think for yourself people. Mrs. Kyle’s husband saved countless lives and your children sleep under the blanket of opportunity that he, and other like him, defended.

You see, a different type of woman throws themselves into a military wife role. I mean, c’mon. They are in shape. They have job. The uniform…good God the sexy uniform. It’s to the point of being glamorized in Hollywood. But what Hollywood doesn’t show is the commitment these men have. The utter insistence on being the sheepdog.

When I started dating my husband we’d both been through a marriage. Mine included drinking and adultery and the crappiest rent houses in Texas. His first marriage included duty. Honor. Combat.

It’s strange for me. Twenty years ago he pledged fidelity and undying love for me. I look at his face today and think …. wow. He PICKED ME. I’m 100% safe 100% of the time. And yet, everyone anywhere in his vicinity should feel the same and largely, they DO NOT KNOW IT. He would jump out of a perfectly good airplane into an area that none of us would ever dream to go for justice. For the end of oppression.

He jokes with me and says things like, “If I’m standing on it, it’s America.” ¬†and “When I get there, I will arrive violently.” and “82nd Airborne. This is as far as the bastards are going.”

My hardest day is traffic. Not knowing what to make for dinner. Thinking my legs are probably not shaved enough for capri pants.

My Hub thinks of a lot more. The bigger picture. And never….. ever….. of himself.

Thank you. Thank you my love and the men who serve. Thank you.

 

Actually my hub. Actually hanging outside a perfectly good airplane.

My husband hanging outside a perfectly good airplane.

EDIT: Hub read my post and said, “Technically….it’s an Huey but that’s ok”…….Sorry!

As if I needed any additional reasons to consider having an entire team of mental health professionals looking after me, I’ve begun to have these hilarious dreams that seem to like to involve complex scientific problems.

The first I like to call:

The Marines Make Accidental Dolphins

My Hub asked me to consult with him on a case involving a Marine. This gentleman was involved in some sort of accident while diving. We walk into this very elaborate laboratory (we’re wearing lab coats and everything) and Hub is telling me I don’t need the bunsen burner lighter thingie that was in my pocket but I ignored him.

There is a very scared looking man in pair of spandex bike shorts with EKG electrodes in random spots on his body (why on the calf?) and Hub is talking very intensely with the people standing around him.

“Okay, kid, get in,” Hub says to the scared Marine guy.

And he turns and dives into this swimming pool (don’t all high end laboratories have indoor swimming pools) and WA LA‚Ķ. he’s a shiny black dolphin swimming and jumping around the pool.

 

Then we have the answer to all our prayers:

Sheep Hold the Answer for Anti-Aging

I walk into a lab where Hub and Kittie greet me at the door with big smiles. “We have solved human aging,” Kittie tells me. I’m very excited about this. Aging sucks. Hub tells me, “We have isolated a chromosome¬†in sheep. It’s very hard to get to as it lives in the layer of skin that is right up against the muscle. Here, look.” And I look through a microscope at some cells. Kittie explains that when combined with a lotion and placed on the skin you will never age there again. No wrinkles, no age spots. Ever. I ask what it’s called and Hub tells me, “Well it’s the B.A. Chromosome.”

I straight face him. “What did you say?”

He looks confused, as if he can’t understand why he needs to repeat it. “The B.A. Chromosome.”

I start laughing and say, “You named it the BA Chromosome????? BAAAA….. BAAAAAAAAA.”

And now I’m bleating like a sheep and everyone is looking at me like I’m crazy and I’m laughing and baa-ing.

I really kind of hope these are the sheep that have the chromosome.

I really kind of hope these are the sheep that have the chromosome.

When I wake up and tell Hub about these dreams he just shakes his head and walks away. I guess I’m not getting a laboratory. Or a lab coat. Pity.

 

 

Hub and I have conversation that border on insane. Randomly unnecessary conversations that include actual information that may or may not be good for either of us.

ME:  Do you have ten seconds to talk to me?

HUB: I guess.

ME: I want your opinion on something. I have three¬†phrases that I…

HUB: (interrupting) One thousand.

ME: No. Three¬†phrases that….

HUB: (interrupting) Two thousand.

ME: Are you counting ten seconds?

HUB: No.

ME: **sigh** I have three phrases that I am going to make my personal goal to never have included in a sentence that contains my name.

HUB: This should be good. Is one of them “and then a reasonable discussion broke out”?

ME: Dammit.

HUB: No?

ME: The first one is “human trafficking”.

HUB: That makes sense.

ME: And “incarcerated for”.

HUB: This is just for going forward right?

ME: I’ve never been incarcerated, asshole!!!!

HUB: Keep going.

ME: And “seen fleeing the scene”.

HUB: That last one especially, please.

ME: My fourth place finisher is “where a body was found”.

HUB: Here are the phrases I WANT in a sentence with my name. “Remained standing after the huge conflargration”.

ME: Goddamnit.

HUB: “After destroying the last alien ship”.

ME: What?

HUB: “The last male survivor in a shipwreck of swimsuit models”.

ME: I’m finished with you.

HUB: I spent $13 on a new battery for my phone.

ME: Why is that something you WANT your name associated with?

HUB: I’m telling you something I did today.

ME: Go outside and look for UFO’s wouldja.

 

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I’ve recently been on eBay. A lot. Hub notices every time. Mainly because packages start arriving. Like daily.

Hub: You got another package.

Me: YAY!

Hub: What are you buying?

Me: Things on eBay.

Hub: Can you be more specific?

Me: Do you want like serial numbers or….

Then he sighed and left the room. Most of what I’ve purchased has been my mission to increase the number of FIRM workouts I own. I had to re-purchase everything I owned on VHS in the DVD format because our VCR broke and it was dumb to replace it. So I started with the Original 6 and then I got more‚Ķand more‚Ķthen I started this ball buster of a 90-day rotation and in several categories I only had two titles and so I¬†really needed more.

This is a photograph of future success people.

This is a photograph of future success people.

Since it is generally acceptable to leave feedback for people on eBay I tried to be a good e-commerce participant and leave feedback for everyone. But how many “thank you, A+” feedbacks are out there? Try 65,351,519. Approximately. I decided to spice this up:

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Now I have to go buy more stuff on eBay. Don’t tell Hub.

The USA has won it’s first gold medal at the 2014 Sochi Olympics and I’m very pleased! The first ever gold medal awarded in this new Olympic sport and it belongs to the good ol’ US of A!

gold1

I really liked the much bigger tricks in the last round. I also loved his quote immediately after the run, “I just blacked out up there!” Yeah!!!!! Too awesome.

Medal Ceremony - Winter Olympics Day 1

sg

I was so happy last night. The Olympics have begun!

We watched the qualifiers for the new slopestyle event. It’s always awesome when there are new events because it introduces me to more and more crazy shit people decide they are going to do with themselves. Slopestyle initial Voo Review…. C. I totally understand the portion of the course with the rails is a throwback to the skateboarding roots of the snowboard sport but it’s just dumb. Hopefully since it was just qualifiers everyone was playing it safe. I’m ready for new and awesome tricks.

Niklas Mattson (SWE) - Slopestyle

Niklas Mattson (SWE) – Slopestyle

Figure skating is huge in our house because the Kittie has been a figure skater since the age of six. I hear a lot of people whine about the figure skating (especially men!) but I have to just shake my head and know that they are just stupid about the sport. They have utterly no appreciation for what kind of talent, dedication, and sheer torture those athletes put themselves through to get to that level. The Kittie is a beautiful skater and her body has paid the price. She never approached the skill level of the Olympic skaters and her hips will always be an issue…her feet will always have scars. I have a world of respect for every single one of these kids. Last night the new team figure skating event revealed Yuzuru Hanyu from Japan to me. He’s incredible. What an amazing skater! I can’t wait for his long program.

Yuzuru Hanyu (JPN) - Figure Skating

Yuzuru Hanyu (JPN) – Figure Skating

I have to think that I have found my goal for the next four years. I TOTALLY WANT TO DO SKELETON!!!!!! I think I could do this….. fling myself onto a sled and head down a sheet of ice! I could do this, right? Is there skeleton training available in Dallas? I also think my Hub lied to me last night.

ME: I have a new goal.
HUB: Why do I think this won’t be good?
ME: Skeleton.
HUB: You already have one.
ME: NO! The sport. I think I want to do skeleton. Do you think I could do that?
HUB: Sure, honey.
ME: I wonder if I really dedicate myself if I could be in the NEXT Olympics and compete in skeleton.
HUB: Sure, honey.
ME: Don’t you believe in me???
HUB: Sure, honey.

Plus……….I want this outfit.

Katie Uhlaender (USA) - Skeleton

Katie Uhlaender (USA) – Skeleton

Also, I could use luge as a back up plan.

Thor Haug (SWE) - Luge

Thor Haug (SWE) – Luge

More from SOCHI tomorrow folks!

Sochi 2014 Company Olympics

 

I’m a Ring Head. ¬†I absolutely love the Olympics. And when it’s an Olympic year I eat, sleep, and breathe the coverage. And now that it’s almost time for Sochi ¬†I am fully prepared to barely sleep and watch as many Olympic events as I can.

While hockey is my favorite event I really enjoy curling, luge, bobsled, skeleton…. the Kittie, being a figure skater, means we will get our share of those events, too. OH ski jump and speed skating.

Ok I love them all.

Two and a half days to go!

Scary movies have never really been my thing. As an adult anyway. As a kid I was always dying to see scary movies. Even though that was forbidden. Not because my parents were overprotective but because I was ten. Or seven.

The advertisements for “Rosemary’s Baby” horrified and mystified me at the same time. Was this woman actually the mother of some clawed spawn? To think such a thing could even be considered made me disinterested in motherhood while thinking exploring human gene splicing could be quite the neat way to spend some free time.

If this is the face you make when you look into the bassinet. Well you are just screwed.

If this is the face you make when you look into the bassinet, well you are just screwed.

I went to a slumber party and we wanted to watch scary movies. The mother in charge had much more lax movie watching rules than my own mother (or she was just insane) and handed us a Beta tape copy of “The Omen: The Final Conflict”. Yeah. Here’s a thought. Give a dozen fifth grade girls the chance to learn about Satan. I was really excited about this though because it was a scary movie! A few girls were out an hour in but I was riveted. And the scene where Damien sends the hounds after the priest. I actually had my first stirrings of what I would later learn was lust. (I still love Sam Neill because of it.)

This makes me feel a little evil. And a little sexy. And those dogs are SO CUTE!

This makes me feel a little evil. And a little sexy. And those dogs are SO CUTE!

They used to have weekend horror movies on some random channel and my mother said, “If they show ‘Fall of the House of Usher’ you can watch it.” I was so excited when it came on and I got to watch it. It was not as scary as I’d hoped. But the burying alive part. Yeah that was creepy. And I also became a huge fan of Vincent Price. ¬†I’ve seen it a few times over the last decade and I appreciate the film a whole lot more than I did as a kid.

The Master

The Master

As an adult I’ve not really found myself lured to the “horror” flick, per se. Mainly because movies like “Hostel” (didn’t care if those kids got tortured) and “Mama” (had such promise at the beginning and just utterly failed) have disappointed me. And “The Blair Witch Project” (running through the woods screaming will never help you) was retarded. “Paranormal Activity” (should demon footprints really resemble a chicken’s??) nearly bored me to sleep.

I think I’m going to spend today watching the Final Conflict again. And enjoy a sexy Satan.

OH speaking of that. If you have a mental issue like me watch “The Prophecy” (it’s available on Netflix to watch instantly). It’s not a good movie. At all. But Christopher Walken is good in it (doy). And Viggo Mortensen plays Lucifer. Swoon worthy.

Am I going to hell for saying I'd go to hell if I got to hang out with someone who looks like this? For eternity.

Am I going to hell for saying I’d go to hell if I got to hang out with someone who looks like this? For eternity.

And now. On to the weekend. XOXO

 

I really think one of these would be awesome on my mantle.

I really think one of these would be awesome on my mantle.

Kittie and I complained until Hub begrudgingly allowed us to watch the Golden Globes. He said he was nether “a gay man or a teenage girl” and would watch something else in the bedroom. But since he was so busy throwing a fit about being forced into behaving like he was gay or having his period or whatever when Tina Fey and Amy Poehler started talking and thanked the “women and gay men” who were watching the show he triumphantly shouted, “SEE!” and then proceeded to watch the remainder of the awards with us.

I’m going to be kind of all over the place here and call out my favorite moments. Because were there a lot of really interesting moments. Mostly because at this point it’s all beginning to run together. I slept hard last night.

I want to start by saying that whomever was in charge of the layout of that room should absolutely be fired. Or at least given a sharp reprimand. ¬†There was too many snakey and cluttered paths to the stage and whenever an ensemble cast and crew of twenty needed to stampede the stage it was a fucking hot mess. It would take these people entirely too long to get to the stage and I think at some point there were rest stops so that the elder members could take a break because hiking wasn’t really their thing. I suppose the service of food and booze results in the need for tables and somesuch but perhaps a bigger venue with a little more room and clear cut paths to the stage should be considered. ¬†Not sure I need to ever see Michael Douglas try to navigate tables and stairs because the worry that he would fall and break a hip was a real concern. And why these broads insist on wearing hugely fluffy dresses and what not baffles me. It’s an accident waiting to happen when you have no choice but to clear an obstacle course to get your statue.

Now then….let’s talk about Matthew McConaughey. First, he’s awesome with his awesome Texas accent so he sounds just like 99% of the people I talk to every day and he was the one that most people had their money on for Slurry Drunk Speech. Yet he was likely the most sober on-stage star last night leading me to believe that he may just naturally sound somewhat wasted. Two thumbs up:

Alright, alright, alright!

Alright, alright, alright!

Cate Blanchett issued the most confusing statement of the night:¬†“Thank you for plying me with vodka the way Judy Garland was probably plyed with barbiturates.” (sic….. I’m doing this from memory folks) Um Cate. Disrespectful. But you looked pretty.

If someone is force feeding you vodka you are just a lucky girl.

If someone is force feeding you vodka you are just a lucky girl.

Liam Neeson (who I can’t find a photo of actually on the stage at the Golden Globes so you have to just live with this picture) came out to present something and I was struck that he was tall. I never thought about it I guess but he seemed very incredibly tall and the Kittie announced about half way through his presentation that “I feel like he should do group readings, you know? He has a great voice.” Agreed, Miss Cat-Cat. He does give great voice and a group reading would be excellent.

I think I'd enjoy if he read me "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish."

I think I’d enjoy it if he read me “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.”

Emma Thompson. I love you. That is all.

When I grow up I hope I'm her.

When I grow up I hope I’m her.

And I have to say that the entire goddamn Globe presentation was worth it for this insanity moment.

I’m informed by my good friend Eric that this is Edward Sharpe. And that he’s a dirty hippie. When he won for best original score (I think) and they train the camera to him and his girlfriend the only thing I could think of was “WHAT am I looking at?” I really don’t get off on making fun of people don’t care how you want to look but holy shit:

What…just what…what who why eyebrows hairtoopuffy what...

What‚Ķjust what‚Ķwhat who why eyebrows hairtoopuffy what…

The hair on both is questionable. The eyebrows on his broad are hideous. And is she wearing a burial shroud? What the hell is that? Is it made partially of burlap? Just. Wow.

All in all I would say it was an amazing night interrupted by the preview of Game of Thrones season 4. WHY DO WE HAVE TO WAIT TIL APRIL? WHHHHHYYYYYYYYY?????

 

OK EDIT ON THE GOLDEN GLOBES:

Eric knows. I don't. FYI.

Eric knows. I don’t. FYI.