Archive for May 2013

I have this incredibly awesome friend who understands that I’d lick a horse on the face before I’d open a door in a public place.

This is Kentucky Derby weekend so I’m mired in the babies. I can’t help it. If someone would like to fund the ability to travel from track to track and lick horses ….. I’d accept the funds! Just saying!

Anyway.

This amazing friend I have …. understands three things:

1. I don’t fuck around when it comes to the Thoroughbreds

2. I don’t open and/or touch doors in public places, and

3. I own VATS of hand sanitizer cos people are gross

This amazing friend (AF from this point forward)  fields my call this evening and:

AF: What????

ME: Palace Malice

AF: What? You are either breaking up or repeating yourself.

ME: PALACE. MALICE.

AF: Gonna assume this is a horse.

ME: Shut up. You know it’s Derby Weekend.

AF: Yes, freak, I know. Is that the name of a horse?

ME: YES! That’s the Derby winner.

AF: Yer never right you know. Did you go bet?

ME: Shut up and … shut up.

AF: That’s what I thought. Why is that the winner?

ME: Cos I’d lick him.

AF: Speaking of that….ya know we have decorative rocks in the sink at work and we have this new broad at the office. I’ve followed her into the bathroom by accident and even after STINKY bathroom the rocks are dry.

ME: Um. WHAT THE FUCK?

AF: You heard me.

ME: NO!

AF: Yup.

ME: Palace Malice

AF: Don’t even. Dry rocks. Even after poop.

ME: GROSS!!

AF: Yup.

ME: Palace Malice.