Jan 14

2014.026 It’d be faster to just punch you ~or~ I’ll take the 5 minute major

Conversations I have had recently that make me want to kill myself:

Me: What kind of fish is the special today?
Waitress: It’s grilled.
Me: Yes but what kind? Is it tilapia? Trout?
Waitress: It’s white. And grilled.
Me: So it’s whitefish? Cod?
Waitress: (pausing) It’s white.
Me: Forget the fish….



Broad: That’s a very pretty horse.
Me: Yes indeed. Lovely action to his movement.
Broad: Very prancy.
Me: I do so love the equine.
Broad: Oh! Is that the breed?
Me: (straight face) No. That’s the taxonomic name for a horse.
Broad: Tax uuh what?
Me: Taxonomic. Equine for horse. Bovine for cow. Feline for cat. Canine for dog.
Broad: Oh!

Asinine. This conversation.


Someone rescue me.

Me: Nothing loud on the television tonight please.
Hub: I don’t want to watch something stupid. Quiet movies are stupid.
Me: If you want to watch movies all night rather than sleep that’s your problem. I want to sleep. Let’s limit the explosions.
Hub: How do you feel about screaming?
Me: Come on.
Hub: Cannon fire?
Me: I’m going to divorce you.
Hub: Ooohhh! Starship Troopers.
Me: Pick any fucking thing else! Except Die Hard. You’ve watched it three times this month already. Enough of Die Hard.
Hub: You are so mean.
Me: Just go to sleep!
Hub: Fine. I’ll watch this.
Me: <sighing> Are you kidding? This is Die Harder!
Hub: You said no Die Hard. This is not Die Hard.

I hate you.



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