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Nov 16

Larry changes my cardio –or– Larry thinks I need to run

Those who know me know Larry. Those that don’t know me — This is Larry. Don’t be fooled. He’s a handful. For non-boxer people: Imagine a cute 10 week old puppy. Put that energy into a 75 pound boxer dog body. That’s the first four years of having a boxer.

 

He's plotting his next move to make you reconsider all the choices you have ever made.

He’s plotting his next move to make you reconsider all the choices you have ever made.

SO…I’ve been trying to do some cardio 3-5 days a week and I’ve been walking Larry very early in the morning. He’s such a good boy in the morning…unlike in the afternoons when there is so much activity he’s almost impossible to keep on task and you want to kill him and then yourself. So this morning we leave around 5….do our mile and some such and are almost home when through amnesia I completely disregard the fact that Larry and I do not sense things at exactly the same time or in the same way. Approximately 2.02262 seconds before I see him, Larry sees an innocent man jogging on the other side of the street. Within the span of these 2.02262 seconds the following things happen:
  • Larry lunges for this person
  • My disregard for Larry’s strength results in him jerking the lead clean out of my hand
  • Larry is running at a speed nearing 48.9 miles per hour straight at this jogger
  • The jogger is looking for an escape route or a rope ladder to fall from a helicopter, and
  • I’m standing on a dead silent residential street in Midlothian, Texas screaming “LARRRRRYYY LARRRYYYYY” at the top of my lungs.
Larry reaches jogger and begins jumping up and down and body slamming him as if the actual mosh pit is starting right there to the Killswitch Engage song that I cannot hear but Larry obviously could. The jogger is both trying to keep him away and (somehow) laughing. I am still screaming — “NO! LARRY! NO! HEWON’THURTYOUIPROMISE NO NO LAAARRRYYY!” all while I’m trying to cover the same distance Larry did in 0.9832 seconds (it took me probably 9 seconds).

The jogger was very gracious—no harm no foul….. Larry was in full “IS THIS FUN OR WHAT?!?!?” mode and I am so embarrassed I want to die.

Jogger jogs away, Larry cries at his departure, and I’m standing in the middle of the street thinking, “Someone in one of these houses is sure that a mental patient named Larry is loose in the neighborhood and there’s an even crazier person trying to catch him.”

Pounds to lose: 98
Pounds lost: 7

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